So, I tested again this morning, and I am all clear. Back to normal – or not!?
I said Morning Prayer from the Book of Common Prayer this morning in my chapel. I forgot how meaningful (to me!) the words and actions are. A very blessed start to the day. No insight – apart from the Melbourne Stars are a really bad T20 side. I will need to shop today for some food, but I might wait.
Blessed Feast of S. Thomas, Ember Saturday in Advent, and Summer Solstice.
Day 6, and I think I am back to normal – whatever that may mean. I am unsure what I did yesterday – did I read or dance? Anyway, here is a thought for the day.
During this version of a COVID lockdown, I learned that I have an issue with “the church” as a whole and not individuals. Yes, that sounds like Kierkegaard and maybe he is the driving force in my thinking. And the problem is not the institution but rather the emphasis people place on the institution. The modern church has replaced the individual before God with a collection of congregational members called to follow a faceless organisation. There is no accountability to God for my actions but rather an urging to conform. In more philosophical terms, I wonder if the modern world, post-scientific revolution, is stuck in actuality. And the institution of the “church” is living without hope.
Anyway! Maybe a fever-induced hallucination?
I want to say, sleep. But that is a little boring and, in my case, predictable.
I read Kafka’s The Castle – that was super fun. It made me laugh, wonder, and cry. It was an escape into a different world that is a lot like my world. Also I watched Veep – that always makes me laugh. Especially when Gary goes to a vegan dinner and asks how many beans are in the soup. And it is good for my anxiety as I have watched it so often.
Play?! I danced to very loud techno, with my headphones on so no one could hear, in my dark room so no one could see, and with my eyes closed so I could feel the beat.
I am feeling better! I spent too much time on the phone yesterday – settling things for next year. So I am hoping for a relaxed day.
I like being alone. I like the freedom. So, this COVID isolation is a freedom for me. It is the lesson for this all – sometimes, things just happen for the best, even when I think it is terrible. (Sorry, that is very fatalistic – amor fati.)
I read a little yesterday – The Hammer of God by Giertz and English Spirituality by Thornton. The Hammer of God is a novel to which I am returning. Every time I pick a new side. Thornton is quickly becoming my favourite Anglican author, who has put some of my thinking into a larger context. (Also, I think his analysis of the Anglican context is very apt.)
Anyway …
At the time Thornton wrote his book, Anglican laity regularly complained that the clergy of the day were not properly equipped to give their flocks “serious personal guidance” in matters of the faith. Lay people believed their parish priests were “excellent and dedicated men, but they were uninterested, or frankly incompetent,” in this kind of work.
The Ascetical Theology of Augustine and the Book of Common Prayer, Mike Michelin
Today?
Another day, another sleep. If only there was an Olympic medal for sleeping.
I did read more of The Castle, a little of The Five Wounds of Jesus by Williams, and I had a really good browse through the St Gegory Prayer Book. I had all these crazy insights that I have since forgotten. Forgetting! It is an interesting topic. S. Augustine speaks of it in The Confessions. The fact that I can remember not remembering.Perhaps just losing my mind?!
I ate yesterday – a major step forward. I made arrangements for next year. And I did manage to catch a little of the cricket between naps.
One night the devil appeared to St Martin [of Tours] crowned with gold and gems, and in a magnificent vestment sparkling with jewels. ‘I am come in judgement’, he said, ‘Adore me.’ ‘Where’, asked Martin, ‘are the mark of the nails, the piercing of the spear, the crown of thorns? When I see the marks of the Passion I shall adore the Lord’. The devil disappeared.
Another day! Nearly halfway through this period of isolation. And, to be honest, if I was not sick, this would be heaven.
Yesterday, I did manage to read. I read parts of Kafka’s The Castle, which I had not read before, some of Kierkegaard’s Two Ages and Sickness unto Death, and a little of I am Dynamite. Kafka is always interesting, as he is just so weird, and the two Kierkegaard books pick up the same themes. But I know how K. feels!
And I slept. I tried to listen to the cricket and slept through most of the play. (I was awake for the rain delay!)
Tomorrow is Ember Wednesday in Advent, so I hope to return to praying liturgically. My food order should arrive today, and I have started some beans in the slow cooker – my staple for most days. I did eat a little yesterday. What is it with me and food? Also, today is not as hot as yesterday.
I do not have a title for this post. No insights yesterday. Well, there were but they are private at the moment. Have a super blessed day!
I like the guy saying everyone refers to him as “S”.
Yesterday was Day 2 of my Covid isolation. This is the first time I have missed Sunday Mass in a long time. I slept, listened to the cricket, and then slept some more. I would like to be able to read or do something constructive. But at the moment, all I can do is sleep. (At least I am good at one thing!)
It was strange not to go to church. But it was also a relief – no stress or anxiety. I am hoping that I might be able to take a permanent step back and just attend occasionally. Adjust!
That is the word for this week, adjust. My strict routine has been turned upside down. I have no energy to cook so I have not eaten much. (Ok, that is not unusual for me.)
Today will be hot – into the 40C in some areas of the state. So, hide with the air-conditioning on. On top of that, I think I have a fever (which I had last time I had Covid), and my medication makes me sweat. And I really dislike being hot. (Entendre!)
I have been unable to pray, apart from calls for Jesus to return. But today might be different. Live in possibility! I will have a cup of coffee and sit up for a bit. And then reconsider and adjust!
